I Feel by Missy C.

 

I feel so very lost right now
I feel completely alone
I feel like the world hates me
I feel like a dog without a bone

I feel misunderstood
I feel secretly afraid
I feel like my world has shattered
I feel my sanity might fade

I feel kinship to no one here
I feel like a misfit
I feel horrified of this place
I feel despair that this is it

I feel so very scared for us
I feel punished wrongly hard
I feel like no one is thinking clearly
I feel my soul’s been jarred

I feel amazed I can write these words
I feel no one’s listening
I feel like hope is failing me
I feel like a conquered queen

I feel “maybe” can’t be said
I feel I need to breathe
I feel so shaky inside
I feel it’s hard to believe

I feel like everything is lost
I feel like they think I’m broke
I feel caught in a spider’s web
I feel like just a joke

I feel all these eyes on me
I feel like an outcast
I feel like my life has crashed
I feel stuck in a blast

I feel forgotten and not good inside
I feel depression’s kiss
I feel clueless of the future
I feel like I’m a hit and miss

I feel sorry for myself
I feel honestly unhonored
I feel kinda paranoid
I feel so very bothered

I feel this negativity
I feel out of control
I feel embarrassed to say the least
I feel I’ve missed my goal

I feel strength to make things right
I feel trapped in this place
I feel so worthy of release
I feel no private space

I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel
I feel ten times more
I feel mentally abused
These feelings are a chore

File Away by Laila S.

 

File it under ‘F’
for ‘Failed Love’
It’s nothing above the normal
level of heartache
Have a few drinks
sing a few sad songs
and cry a few tears
Then it’s time to move on
The world will not stop
and wait
for your heart to heal
Broken hearts are as old as the sea

My True Home by Philip C.

 

This is my true home,
It don’t even exist,
It is in the realm of placelessness,
Truth and bliss.
Also known as Brahman,
Or the syllable Ohm,
It resides separate from the knower and known.
Separate even from the modes of material nature,
It can only be accessed through Sattvic behavior.
Goodness, purity, light, harmony, and balance,
Been living in Rajas,
Transmute it to compassion.
I’ve learned many painful lessons,
From the mode of passion.
I know its time,
To change,
My heart thinking and actions.

Untitled by Foxxyjayy

 

I am beautiful
I am a powerful woman
Tall glass of water
I am a lover, also a fighter
My mind is now blank
I feel anxious, confused, emotional
I am now lost, scared, in jail
A hurricane disaster
I am lonely
I surrender my God
I am on my knees praying hard
I am happier than I was, walking the streets
up all night, cold ice felt in my veins
trying to find a safe places to sleep.
I am drugged by my own worst enemy
standing in the mirror my deviled left shoulder.
How did I allow myself to get this low?
Three years ago
scholarships overflowed
talent was an understatement
I was a blessing
Living my dreams
That day my life changed forever
I will never forget the pain
prescription drug feign
I am heartbroken.
I don’t know who I am.
Rumor was I quit, never that
I am depressed, crying a river
Drugs and men
became my replacement
Party and bullsh*t
My true love, basketball,
all I knew, my passion, my first addiction.
I am now weak
I am an addict, miserable.
How do I move on, get back up, forgive myself?
This battle with my addiction
will never end
constant personal fight.
Is it all my fault?
Why do I feel guilty?
I want to love myself again.
I just want to be understood.

Mother and Her Child by Will B.

 

The majestic Aspen colors filled the high mountainsides of the Colorado Rockies. It was late fall when my horse and I departed on our adventure in hope to bag some big game. After many hours of traveling diverse landscapes, I came across a beautiful valley with Vistas of the Spanish Peaks with the Cuchara River flowing gently. I spied a campsite with a meadow for my horse to graze so I picketed him close enough to the water and shelter among the dense foliage. I pitched my tent next to the babbling river, built a fire in a rock pit, and settled in for the impending cold night, dosing off shortly after. Suddenly, I was awakened to sounds of something approaching. My eyes were not quite adjusted to the dawn’s early light, scanning frantically to see my surroundings, looking to where my horse should have been, but was no longer there. I was very cold as I was unable to keep the fire stoked all night. Instinctively, reaching to where I thought my shotgun was, to my dismay wasn’t there. Searching the frozen ground, I saw it laying five feet away as I scrambled toward it. Not knowing who or what was out there until a stick snapped! I lunged scooping up my shotgun as I quickly spun on my heels, now face to face with the largest cougar I’ve ever seen in this part of the country. This spectacular, diving creature, weighing at least 300 pounds, was stealthily moving in a circular formation around me. My fingers still numb for the morning frost and every muscle in my body quivering with fear, it made it almost impossible to keep a hold of my gun. Trying so desperately to gather my courage, I stared into what resembled certain death. As there was dried blood around the feline’s mouth from a recent kill, at most finished a few hours ago now finding where my horse had gone. I hear a snarling low growl, seeing the beast’s lips curling, showing its blood-stained fangs and its hot breath steaming against the frosted morning air. With its claws displayed, resembling five-inch razor sharp daggers extending from its enormous paws around me without my weapon, I’d certainly be its next victim. Then out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of movement from above, which I realized then to be her young cub. Knowing now the place I chose to camp was in the middle of this cougar’s territorial domain. To see that she is only using her motherly instinct to protect her young. Then suddenly feeling like I got hit by a train, I felt her immense force upon me. I felt her vice-like mouth with her teeth tearing my flesh and her claws shredding my clothes, slashing my body like knives. the mountain ion with her primal instinct had taken me to the ground forcing the wind from me and with the concussive force knocking me nearly unconscious, hurling my weapon far from my hands. Desperately feeling trapped and helpless, I gathered all the strength that I could muster and kicked and pushed away from this enormous beast. I grabbed the first weapon that my frost-bitten hands stumbled across, clubbing her in the head with a branch in the head as she jumped toward me, knocking her off her equilibrium, allowing me a split second to scramble to my feet, only to become entrapped in her predatorial hunting game. With a burst of adrenaline, I dove for my gun only to have my severe wounds impede me and put me at her mercy in this game of cat and mouse. Feeling my strength diminishing, I forced myself to shake my head in  a desperate try to regain my composure, knowing very well if I stopped now it will certainly be my demise. With my last ditch effort, not knowing how close my pursuer was, I try to bolt towards my shotgun, only to have my feet fall into a rotting log. Feeling the jolt of pain, I had broken my leg and I realized I was trapped like a mouse, I know now I’m a goner. Throughout my life I never thought I’d be the person to die alone, but here I am. As the light slowly closes in around me, my thoughts start sinking into that last endless void no one knows exists. With my last breath I say, “should have never come between a mother and her child.”

Why I Write by Brandee Frickin Sue

 

Featuring Sissy Paycheck

I write to set me free. I write because I love you, and loving you allows the loving of me. I write because it helps me understand. I write to avoid pain, I write of my feelings. I write to feel connected. I write, then I understand you. I write when the sun warms my face. I write from the pen of my inner goddess. I write fearlessly in my truth. I write to make memories. I write to smile through tragedy. I write to conquer Mt. Everest. I write and I’m victorious. I write to please my angels. I write to quiet my demons. I write to make you understand. I write, it gives me comfort. I write with no reservations. I write because on this line of this paper, only I make the rules. I write to connect our SpeakOut circle. I write of pictures in my mind. I write to be heard, I write to hear my silence. I write because I always get me. I write because I’m my biggest fan. I write so my children can speak of my words long after I’ve passed. I write, it opens my soul. I write because I have cut you out of my life. I write, embracing the vulnerability. I write I am an alcoholic. I write because I’m a sweetheart. I write because I like to laugh. I write because I’m thoughtful. I write to air my compassion. I write because I’m in recovery, but will always be an addict. I write because of your reactions. I write, becoming my dearest friend. I write because I won’t grow if I stop. I write because I miss her so much. I write because I am. I write because I’m blind without word

When a Person by Missy C.

 

When a person judges by color
It reveals who they are
When a person judges by race
It shows off a scar
When a person judges by skin
They’re ignorant, it’s true
When a person judges by heritage
They really have no clue
When a person uses hate
Hate is using him
When a person uses control
Control is using them
When a person uses fear
They’ve feared another
When a person uses force
They’ve been forced by others
When a person uses anger
They’re damaged inside
When a person acts in shame
They’re really trying to hide
When a person acts in doubt
They can’t trust anyone
When a person acts in rage
It can never be undone